Alaskan Bulgarian

The Routine

My "Introductions" class routine this year is stellar, if I do say so myself. I've done it four times now and will do it three more times before all this introducing is dead and in the ground. I have a lot of new students I have to get to know. The name memorization necessary boggles the mind at this point, but that's a matter for later consideration.

The routine itself starts slow. I introduce myself, giving them my name, my preference for "Mr. Young," and my assurance that I'll listen if they absolutely have to call me Robert. Then I write on the board my favorite movie, which has, for mood reasons I guess, changed 3 times in the last week (It was Godfather II this morning). I write that I like relaxing music, and then I drop the kicker. I am 201 cm tall and wear size 52 shoes(Bulgarian size system, of course). "Ooh"s and "Aah"s all over the classroom. Awed respect emanates from the desks as I turn to the board.

"Now," I say. "I need to get to know you guys." I ask them to write the same information for themselves on little stickies that I give them and then slap them on the board (the slapping on the board is optional, but it gets the little buggers moving around, so it's good for something). 10 minutes pass as they get their English neurons firing on 2 or 4 cylinders and when the trickling procession to the board ends, I read off the names one by one and then put the stickies in my notebook for future reference.

Getting through a classroom takes the full period length of 45 minutes working at a solid clip. Along the way I press them for more information to see just how well they converse and to show them that, if needed, I can explain to them the finer points of hip-hop, rock, etc. One student today said he "rapshits" occasionally. After some interrogation, we figured out that he was talking about a rapsheet and had gotten the whole idea confused. Teaching already! It's really a triumph of the art. So at the end of the half, they've written, they've spoken, the box score is looking good. Still plenty of time for the listening and reading, which gets covered in the second half.

After the ten minute break between classes the students file in, not quite blown away by the class, but at least interested. We then get into the lecture on the rules, which I organize into to columns on the board without ever mentioning the word "rules." On the left: "Things I like." On the right: "Things I don't like." I start by saying that I like talking fast, which any American will tell you is usually a patent lie (I may trail off into mumbling gibberish if I realize a thought isn't going anywhere, but I'm nothing if not plodding and deliberate in conversation), but the students at that point are always waiting for an opportunity to point out the fact that, in class, I probably speak about twice as fast as they're used to when I'm not thinking about it. I tell them that this is a problem and that if they don't understand what I'm saying, they ought to do everything they can to get my attention and slow me down.

After that we run through the list, one by one, each "like" and "dislike" having its own bearing on how I want the class to be run. I don't like GSMs (cell phones), I don't like tests but this is how I do them..., I don't like homework but..., about halfway through we reach the routine's moment, where I write that I don't like the Black Eyed Peas. An eerie silence fills much of the room as a couple of students chuckle. Despite their infinite ability to annoy, the group is still popular among many Bulgarians, and Europeans, and Americans, I gather. I wait a beat, then explain why, exactly, I don't like the group.

I tell them that I can never say "shut up," which I never really say anyway but is kind of prevalent among their other English teachers (I never ask why), because if I say "shut up," then someone in the back of the room will start singing the song, others will join in and the seventh seal opens up and the class is irreparable. Anyway, this little bit never fails to amuse. The class laughs for a good minute or so, then falls back in line once the slower kids have had the gag explained to them in Bulgarian. It also gives me a chance to rip on The Black Eyed Peas, whose singles I could really do without hearing 2,000,000 times a week.

We move on from there. I explain the various punishments, rewards, and my assertion that unless they screw around with me, I won't be a jerk. Mild discipline with the threat of back-breaking discipline to come. We'll see how well that works.

I then have them add things they like or dislike about school, and when I pry there are always a couple of ideas I didn't list. Then the class ends, and we all move on. There's a little entertainment and a lot of information. It gets the honeymoon two weeks off on the right track. I've warned them all ahead of time about the things to come, now we'll see how they react when they learn there actually will be work involved. I hope the ganshing of teeth gets kept to a minimum. It's a horrible sound.

Posted by Rob at September 20, 2004 07:19 PM