"I have a tender heart, and I dislike to dwell on the spectacle of a human being groaning under the iron heel of Fate. Such morbid gloating, I consider, is better left to the Russians." -P.G. Wodehouse (.)
April 06, 2007
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Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Journal: 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and...
April 05, 2007
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Kostya and I went to a new church on Sunday, and afterwards they had brunch at an apartment. Upon leaving, Kostya noticed an odd number of identical shoes, literally. We subsequently found a fourth shoe hidden away in a nearby...
January 31, 2007
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The issue of earmarks and federal subsidies for pet projects is not a new issue. Katrina made the "Bridge to Nowhere" famous, but represents merely the most recent rediscovering of this peculiarity of American government. One hundred and thirty-six years...
October 22, 2006
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"Is it really true that only women with perfect skin can be beautiful?" Someone on the metro in St. Petersburg marked in the box for "yes."...
September 06, 2005
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Without a doubt the best quote I've come across in a while. This article discusses the poor quality of movies this summer, in which a documentary entitled "March of the Penguins," turned out to be a surprise hit: "In an...
August 22, 2005
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I was recently introduced to an early 20th century humourist named P.G. Wodehouse. A friend who wants to get his PhD in English, and who already knows far more about English Liturature than I ever will, gave me a copy...
May 05, 2005
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This sounds like the behaviour of your typical foreign student in Russia: An Inverness man was arrested Saturday after breaking into his neighbors' house and threatening them, shocking himself by sticking his fingers into a lamp socket, threatening a deputy...
May 04, 2005
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A fantastic expose into the world of Animal Rights protests. One of the funniest pieces I've read in recent memory. The author both attempts to placate and antagonize the protestors, eliciting such absurd moments as: "Not only do I not...
April 23, 2005
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Russia has contributed more than its share to the advancement of scientific knowledge, and it's good to hear that they keep on making breakthroughs: Alexei says he was an irredeemable alcoholic until he met Marina. He gave up drinking...
Posted by Owen at
05:47 PM
October 17, 2004
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Who knew John Kerry was a kindred spirit? Spirituality is important to me. I've always felt that we humans are insignificant maggots scuttling across the muck of the universe, and that life itself is just a meaningless moment of agony...
May 02, 2004
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Cow Ownership California Style: You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have...
April 10, 2004
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Your Questions Answered Answers to all those questions that led people to Sgt. Stryker's site. The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army Why 213? Too much time off from work I imagine. Brief...
March 14, 2004
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Brilliantly well-done remix of Bush's State of the Union 2003. You have to go see it. Classic lines like: Every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to threaten the world. Our first goal is to show utter...
February 13, 2004
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One man's love for the Republican party. Everything a story could want, good music, characters, even a Nazi crab. Oh, and I'm serious about the music. I like it. This is what I imagine the Loveparade would be if held...
February 01, 2004
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Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. When Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but in the last year, we had to close our operations. We simply...
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Last night, I was relaxing at home, reading Chomsky's new book, Scandalous Hegemony. I was just about to get to the sex scene when there came a gentle rapping at my condo door. Irritated, I put the book down and...
January 21, 2004
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Russian troops have retrieved 10 tons of beer trapped under Siberian ice, the Itar-Tass news agency has reported. The rescue team of six divers, 10 workers and a modified T-72 tank from the Emergencies Ministry managed to save the load...
January 16, 2004
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I came across a phenomenal website called Googlism. The searches are phrased in terms of "who," "what," "where," and "when." It takes an inventory of google responses for the searched item, and relates the results in short phrases. For example,...
January 14, 2004
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I'd love to quote a source on the author of this, but it came from an email forward, notorious for not citing. This is the loss of civil liberties that people are talking about: Ordering Pizza Operator: "Thank you for...
December 29, 2003
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I got this post from Cinderella Bloggerfeller. I can't, as of yet, confirm it's veracity. To this point, the only interaction I've had with Central Asia has been Uzbek food and Tajiks in the dorm who speak Persian. I found...
November 02, 2003
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Mr. Young, over at Alaskan Bulgarian, has twice attacked my character, and I feel the need to express my great shock and outrage. First, simply because I am clearly (as described by the picture) more fashionable and cool, he derided...
October 27, 2003
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Galactic Empire to Take Over Power in Iraq Washington D.C. - At a press conference yesterday, White House spokesman Scott McClellan announced that all political and military authority in Iraq would be handed over to the Galactic Empire, starting October...
October 16, 2003
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Should I be afraid that from time to time I get this person as a visitor? oct-16 12:16 - xx.xxx.xxx.xx - United States - Tulsa - Total Information Service (IP Address changed to protect the guilty). That's right, I'm getting...
October 13, 2003
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It has recently come to my attention that The Crime Syndicate, a deadly international combination of Triads, Italians, Russians, the International Zionist Conspiracy, Halliburton, and the Yakuza have begun a massive counterfeiting campaign. They are flooding the American market with...
October 07, 2003
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A combination of frantic preparation for my departure for Russia, heavy workload, and no stable living arrangement has made it difficult to both read and comment on current events. From what I can gather of the outside world: -Some movie...
September 18, 2003
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A man in Oregon crashed his car while singing a Justin Timberlake song because a bee entered his mouth. Using the legal logic developed during the 90's, I think this man has a great case against Justin Timberlake and the...
August 24, 2003
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It being the weekend, I dredged up a satire piece I wrote back in May, around the time of the official end of the Iraq war. Oddly enough, it's still relevant four months later. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Many Facets of the...
August 02, 2003
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Chevy Chase selling a coke/pepsi rival. I, for one, quite like these ads for Cola Turka. I think they're pretty funny, and not a bit un-American. I especially like the spontaneous mustache....
July 22, 2003
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Anti-War movement decries the failure of Allies to Show German Weapons of Mass Destruction Warning: satire After hearing an advertisement on the radio for the CBS Premier of “Hitler: The Rise of Evil,” I was struck by the similarities in...
July 19, 2003
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WMOB is a site for anyone who thought the mob was a cut above the rest of us. "In the course of a federal racketeering investigation, FBI agents and prosecutors received court authorization to wiretap the home telephone of Federico...
July 13, 2003
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Fun with Google Try this soon, I don't know how long these two sites will stay number one. 1) Go to Google.com; 2) type in (but don't hit return): "weapons of mass destruction"; 3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button,...
June 18, 2003
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. - Emo Philips Well, at least the police didn't shut me down like this...